Avocados
by sprsonic0vrdrive
Summary: Jam oneshot. Jim cooks dinner for Pam on their anniversary and gives them both food poisoning.


She spent that morning throwing up in the bathroom. She hadn't had anything other than a cold since she was a kid. What could it be? There was a flu going around the office, but that was a few weeks ago. She leaned up against the wall in the bathroom. He entered the room with the lame look on his face that she had when she woke up.

"Jesus, Pam. You look like you've been hit by a truck," he said.

"I could say the same about you, Halpert," she responded. He chuckled thinking she was joking, until all of a sudden his stomach started turning.

"Now all of a sudden I don't feel good," he said holding his stomach.

"I was here first. I get the toilet. You get the sink."

"Sounds like a plan." The next hour and a half was spent with their heads in designated pluming devices. She had gotten herself a class a water and was now laying in the bathtub. He was face down on the floor in the fetal position, grasping onto a towel.

"I don't think those avocados were very fresh," he groaned.

"I am never letting you cook again," she said.

"It's not my fault. Like I know the difference between a good and bad avocado."

"How long did you have those in your fridge anyway?"

"I don't know. A few weeks maybe."

"As soon as a regain my strength, I'm going to kill you."

"Well first we should probably call the office. We were supposed to be there an hour ago. Dwight has probably already started an investigation."

"You call the office. It's going to take me at least 20 minutes to get out of the tub." He got up off the floor and walked slowly to the front room to get the phone. He dialed the office.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Ryan," he voice on the other end said.

"Hey. It's Jim."

"Where the hell are you? Michaels making me play secretary. At least tell me Pam's on the way."

"Sorry. I'm calling in sick. Apparently the avocados in my fridge weren't as fresh as I thought."

"The discolored ones? Those were in there during our poker game last week. I think I even mentioned you should throw those out. And I thought you swore cooking after you gave Katy salmonella."

"Just put Michael on the phone please." After he about it, Ryan did mention something weird looking being in the fridge. He should've remembered the last time he cooked for a girl. Poor Katy. Come to think of it, that chicken really didn't look very cooked.

"Michael Scott," he finally picked up.

"Michael, it's Jim. I just wanted to call and tell you that Pam and I both have food poisoning so we're not coming in today."

"Food poisoning, huh? Sounds like you 2 might be playing hooky to get a little nookie if you ask me."

"I wish that was the case."  
"Well, I will see you on Monday then. Have a good long weekend."

"Thanks." Jim hung up the phone and made this way back to the bathroom. Pam was still in the bathtub, grasping to the glass that used to contain water. He grabbed her arms and helped her up. They walked slowly to the kitchen, where she made them mint tea while he opened a box of saltines. They sat on the couch and turned the TV on.

"Happy Anniversary," he said, kissing her forehead.

"Funny," she was annoyed.

"You can't be mad at me. It was an honest mistake. You act like I've cooked before."

"I guess. You're right. I should've known better than to let you cook. At least we get a day off work."

"I'm sorry I gave you food poisoning."

"I know. But next year take me to a restaurant., please. Do you think we should go to the doctor or something?"

"I don't think there's anything they can do. We should just stay here, swig some Pepto and call it a day."

"Coming from the guy who tried to poison me. We're going to the doctor." She tossed him the keys and made him drive. He complained the entire way to the doctor's office. They pulled up and she dragged him inside.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked.

"My lovely boyfriend gave us both food poisoning last night," she glared at Jim, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Have a seat. The doctor will be with you in a moment," she replied smiling.

"I don't know why we're here. We'll be fine by tomorrow," he pouted.

"You sound like you know a little too much about this. Exactly how many people have you poisoned?"

"Just you," he responded, "And Katy," he added under his breath.

"You poisoned her, too?"

"She wasn't as nearly annoyed as you seem. And I gave her salmonella." She rolled her eyes at him, trying to hide the grin on her face. The doctor called Pam in first, and the Jim shortly after.

"Well, the bad news is you have food poisoning. I thought I told you to give up cooking for girls the last time you were here, Jim," the doctor joked.

"I guess I never learn," he responded.

"I can give you something that will settle your stomach and help you sleep, Jim, but I'll have to give Pam something that is better for the baby,"

"Baby?" Jim and Pam both said in unison.

"When I tested your urine, it said you were pregnant. You didn't know?"

"Uh no. I had no idea. I just…it really never crossed my mind that I could be…"

"Wait you mean to tell me that we're having a baby?" Jim tried to make sense of the situation.

"Yes. Let me recommend you to a gynecologist," the doctor said, leaving to get them her business card.

"How did this happen? Wait, I know how it happened," he said to her.

"You mean how did we not even think about it?"

"Well, yeah. I can't believe we're pregnant."

"Neither can I."

"Pam, we're having a baby!" he finally showed his excitement. He grabber her and pulled her into a deep kiss.

"And just think. If you hadn't of given me food poisoning, we would've found out a lot later."

"God bless those rotting avocados."


End file.
